fernando ramos: music/lyrics
Click song title for lyrics:
bring out your roses | cry child cry | drama queen
caesarian baby | billy reflects | passage
tell me tommy | change | noah | swallow | enraptured
tick tock | troll | seeds | torn from innocenceseeds (the lyrics)
bring out your roses (january 2003)
bring out your Roses and wait for your sons
welcome them in
you gotta welcome them in
they come uniformed in drapes of civility
to patron the scorn of their mangled nobility
and there at your door you deny them an entrance
cuz you hold your contempt far above their absence
and how many times you said
that they were your everything
bring out your Roses and wait for your sons
welcome them in
you gotta welcome them in
you want them as you the classical charlatan
you’re still holding to your cardinal arrogance
an image of you descendance and ancestry
to put on display a morbid nativity
and would you be nice to them
if they weren’t your sons
remember those days when they sat by your side
asking their questions and you with replies
you were their idols and you were their heroes
but you turned your back when they offered their secret
so bring out your Roses and wait for your sons
cry child cry (february 1997)
a boy whose mother never knew
his lifetime of despair
watching in despair
and i knew his mother was not there
to catch him when he fell
from his Swing he fell
unto a world he knew
could never love him back
despite all his attacks
crying in a black cold unsheltered home
where no one ever shared
affection for his tears
nor would they care
if the child was never there
but this child awakened from his dreams
and sighed upon the Winds
a million countless prayers
that even to this day they rest upon his lips
pressed upon his lips
silent on his lips
just waiting for their day
and then the child learned
his dreams would soon be real
despite of all his fears
hope for once was near
his lonely bleeding heart
where anger once bloomed
taking Innocence away
forced to give up on his youth
leaving childhood behind
in a buried Hourglass
so cry
cry child cry
cry all your tears
cry out your rage
cry for you’re alive
cry child cry
let it all out
shed all your pain
for you’re the one they hurt
cry lovely child
you finally made it out
you finally found your peace
you finally found yourself
drama queen (march 2001)
pegged diseased
you wanna call it quits
you wanna swim to swim
well that’s alright with me
but can i go now?
make it brief
i got a coma sleep
between your two and three
and gotta break to pee
so can i go now?
and all that was said will return
to the place where it came from unlearned
i’ve got a mouth to feed
and a Tambourine Player
in my sleeve
he’s wanting out to sing
so can i go now?
you say it’s hell today
you wanna leave today
you wanna run away
and i say “sure...okay”
but can i go now?
and all that was shown will be turned
into glimpses of words gone unheard
just stake your life
to ground you down
and leave me out of it please
just stake your life
(to ground you)
as far away from me
cuz i have had enough
for 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
of me
drama queen
is this your pageantry
of lost Virginity
do you need beauty sleep
then should i go now?
lost inside
go on now tear your hide
go on now sink subside
and watch those bubbles rise
do you feel safe now?
well are ya safe now?
then should i go now?
huh?
caesarian baby (april 2002)
look out through your window dear
i’m just down the street now
wish i could be with you dear
wish you could believe in me
but i know that you will never see me like i see you
standing on the Western Front
thinking of the Horse i rode
saddles for the heavy weight
grapple soon evaporates
but this Map that has been drawn for me only gets me so far
and the Distance i will travel circles me back to the start
sometimes nights do seldom stare
through a lonely loveless glare
scenes and scripts of might have beens
lunar cycles of my dreams
reaching through those mild endeavors
to catch up with myself
wish that you could see me dear
wish that you could feel my fears
but i’m not angry with you dear
i just needed time to heal
someone says we die alone
just the same as when we’re born
i don’t think that anymore
you are always at the cord
billy reflects (february 2001)
daddy is finally coming
daddy is finally here
and billy is good at avoiding
telling his daddy he’s queer
and mary his sister was naughty
she liked to kiss the black boys
till one day she turned into mommy
and all of her hopes were destroyed
tantrums are never the answer
laughter is always the way
but when all those prayers go unanswered
tears always reap like a plague
and one day when billy got angry
he lashed out from hiding with joy
but daddy bewildered his nasty
when all of his hopes were destroyed
he grabbed his billy and hugged him
and billy did not understand
and mary was there when it happened
she saw how they both took their stand
but billy he ran from his suffering
ran through the Forest of pines
never succumbing to longing
for peace in a role he’d resign
cuz who was to steer
when he was in fear
of knowledge newly exposed
and what of the years
that he hid behind tears
never indulging a dose
of self acceptance
of self importance
of self reliance
of self
and mommy decided to ask him
if any of it was true
and billy looked up and he nodded
and he asked her “how are you?”
and she cried a bit
and she died a bit
but then she thought of it
her billy was good
meanwhile his mary and niece
lived in each other’s blessed arms
and mommy and daddy made peace
when billy was finally unarmed
but sometimes in front of the mirror
billy looks back from glass
and he smiles and he waves from the Distance
i say hello and au revoir
passage (june 2001)
your lips were moving and i was listening
devouring shivers from the winter evening
and the Cup of Flames was blazing before us
blazing before us on the altar
your words were soothing and i was shrinking
deeper inside me my thoughts were weeping
a blood letting cycle of bonds to bring closer
bring closer the lover and the fighter
and i merged every part of me
and you recited the blessed-be’s
and we shared all our harmony
while he watched from behind those trees
we camped at the backyards the Forest surrounding
the night creatures stirring our power succumbing
the will of our fathers enslaved by their hatred
hate is what made us stronger
a crack in the Distance a Stranger’s deep breathing
we stare at each other we turn and see nothing
the night an envelope that seals us together
seals us together with another
and you open your inner eye
and i open my willful mind
and we stare at the open sky
while he…he just walks on by
somewhere around us a force lies in hiding
the Winds that we felt no longer abiding
and everything altered its aura to us
altered the life fuel for us
cuz deep in the belly of every existence
we broke the lock that willed our resistance
and all that we knew had a different impression
a different perception of us
i reach out to touch you
my fingers go right through you
flames grow brighter
but night grows darker
and i’m afraid we won’t
find the Stranger
cuz there’s warmth there
tell me tommy (october 1997)
i once knew a man named tommy pike
his life was a book i wish i’d write
his age knew all the answers and all the lies
wise old tommy
we met at a bar in a strip of town
had a few drinks and we clowned around
desperate to talk he calmed me down
daddy tommy
well tommy was a kind man most his life
provided food and shelter for the kids and wives
knew too many people to decide
who is tommy
so tommy took to drinking as his vice
a man under stress no one knew just why
lost all he had was left torn and dry
poor old tommy
and when the sirens came that day
i knew the man was gone
another light shut down again
there he went
unafraid
and tommy do you know where heaven goes
and tommy will my spirit ever soar
and tommy is there hell down below
tell me tommy
and tommy do you know where i can buy
a pretty little picture of your life
and tommy do you think that i’ll survive
tell me tommy
change (april 2001)
-1-
i feel my winter eves come out to play
like a cold dark man with weary gaze
and thus i lay my head to rest
i no longer wear his chest at night
somber moods and dispositions cater me with warmth
my misplaced wrath wrapped around my misshaped body
missing underneath the melancholy
i’ll take the truth and ne’er the dare
let beast and child beware
that front is coming in and we all freeze from the within
-2-
i think i’ve gained momentum for the Spring
i’ll wear my shorts and have some drinks
“ yeah...”
cruise around the local spots walk the miles that i have craved
to face the Distance never paved for easy access
easy tactics implemented on the strong
while the weak grow temperamental to belong
i think i’ll take a dive
who knows if i’ll survive
-3-
i’ve got my summer days tucked away behind my eyes
they’re hiding near the distant dread of all goodbyes
silly stories mirthful laughter
sorrow glancing through the tear ducts of my eyes
a thousand days to plan ahead
like cheap illicit metaphors of to be’s or not to be’s
and sleep perchance to dream of love and wars
can’t stay awake can’t fall asleep
sometimes i fear the worst to come
but all in all i dare stand tall
with grace and prudent will
let all the fools stay on that Hill
-4-
i fear my fall will induce me to the point
where all is fragile underneath ah-hah
i’ve got these kittens purring at my feet
but snakes are coiling round my arms
another round another Lap
another Swing Set another act
and i am now watching
yet another curtain going up
and i’m laughing at my silent screams
got no more dreams to reap through
and the landing is my failure
and the scorn a nasty punishment
for all my deeds and ill-placed Seeds
but i’ll take the latest issue
of that fanclub magazine
and mail it back to me
yeah i’ll mail it back to me
but all in all i dare stand tall
(but all in all in all) with grace and prudent will
(i’m standing tall) let all the fools stay on that Hill
noah (june 2002)
we’ve been sitting here night after night
sometimes you get so close i shut my eyes
i wanna reach for you don’t know to try
such urge to rip myself from this disguise
and i would like to know if you
could spare some time for me
you welcome me while i push back
i’m safely harbored on a ship built for forty Laps
no dove on board i could just send out
and wait for just one twig that will hush these doubts
so i would like to know if you
could spare some time for me
you have your beauty stashed
i’ve seen your beauty stashed
i want your beauty stashed
inside of me
i’ll break this forfeit door
i’ll break this window glass
i’ll blow these walls apart
with one swift lash
just please just climb on board
just say you’ll wait this storm
just please just climb on board
just wait this storm
swallow (august 2002)
i am reaching the conclusion
one small man step to your primal
pinning nostrils for the squeamish
makes it harder on the vulgar
and i’m sinking going under
belly flopping into charcoal
so quick
someone throw another anchor – quick!
someone tie me to a lamp post – quick!
someone steal me from this rancor – quick!
pay my rent to hungry lovelords
cuz i’m not going home – no no no no
said i’m not rowing home
and i’m dancing and i’m prancing
baby stepping into wanting
and i’m signing Master Patience
on my paychecks to the teller
pushing madness strolling heartaches
rubbing hard-on’s is it vacant?
so quick
tie the rope around my ankle – quick!
row me in before i paddle – quick!
gimme candy or i tattle – quick!
cover me before i sparkle
cuz i’m not leaving here – no no no no
said i’m not missing here
i don’t want to cause a scene – but i know i have to
i don’t wanna make a mess
throw me a lifeline
swallow my lifeline
pull on this lifeline
and bring it on in
i am reaching the conclusion
one small man step to your primal
are you laughing while i’m screaming
go to hell now! are you creaming?
blow it up now blow it up now
blow it up now take it somewhere
else
enraptured (september 2001)
it’s been many years most forgotten
since they taught us ’bout the prophet on the cross
and most of us don’t even care
cuz no one really wants to live their lives
like jesus christ
and i know that i don’t care
to Swing from vine to vine of contradictions
i’ve got enough of them to bare
i was once the boy with the glasses
i was once the fag in all your classes
i recall the sting of all the venom
i collected all their hate
but now i’ve lived a little longer
(i hope) and i’ve learned to take the crown
(i’m not alone) and let it go
(here) i alone will understand
(standing right beneath their feet) i alone will understand
(standing somewhere underneath)
so now i am a man
(underneath) who sleeps without a light on
(underneath) i am swallowed whole by the dark and all its shadows
tied together to devour this enraptured soul
and all those battles that were fought
to attain all that we sought
well who the hell will give a fuck
a hundred years from now
(i hope) when all is polished underground
(somewhere a Rose) and our homes will be our Graveyards
(is waiting) and the earth will be our wasteland
(waste away this selfish need) and what was learned will be forgotten
(got me digging for a Seed) dealt to all those misbegotten
(got me pleading to be deemed) like a game that we surrendered
(surrendered)
and in the end it’s never there
that outside source for us to grasp on
i for one will choose myself
tick tock (december 2001)
tick tock it’s Time
the chair is empty but still warm
tick tock it’s late
but underneath is where it lays
tick tock Time’s up
crushed those golden arms into pieces
this is no recess
lost is the chance for a tilt of the tongue
tick tock it’s gone
that sweet tormenting song has died
tick tock undone
through love it warps despite those cries
tick tock it echoes
through the unspoken words of a silence
there is the violence
clutching the throat of a dream with a sigh
i want to feel that breath on my flesh
i want to taste each stroke (pulse) that it takes
tear down the line—watch just unwind
tick tock make it stop
tick tock make it stop
HOW DARE YOU THINK I WOULDN’T RUN?!
tick tock this portal
has closed its doors to hide the Ghost
tick tock oh god
the soft and whispered stir of bones
tick tock one being
flowing within its cell like a demon
caught by its treason
looking to find the way back to its home
troll (february 2002)
seemed like today was another day spent
clinging to nothing but hoping instead
to wash this filth of impurities
yeah wash away this loving disease
now don’t get me wrong this ain’t really me
i tend to believe in monogamy
but it’s been so long since i’ve been devoured
and i long to sate this thirsting desire
“i’m not holding a gun to your face
so just to be fair we should both state our case
drop what you’re doing and knock at my door
we can go at it no need to implore
take a minute to make up your mind
but baby remember i don’t like to waste time
better to tumble than think while we stumble
stop with the shyness it’s not that big of a crime”
and those are the words that i constantly face
every time i look up it’s the same damn old thing
well why in the world do i feel so displayed
when i shun all the calls for a one-night quick fling
but still i continue and still i end up here
and still i continue to find myself in here
and still i abandon all hope of disarming
this safety to ponder the possible contents
and this little troll is still on my screen
still a reminder of what i could be
endless temptations god i hate this scene
so why in the world do i keep coming in
i don’t know
why don’t you get off my screen
why don’t you just get off
seeds (february 2003)
this is the trail that i have walked
planting Seeds that i have carried
from the choo choo train to the dock
and there’s my friend on the left
an oak with a bark so loud
it scratches a rain cloud
sometimes oh sometimes
he spreads his arms toward the sky
stretched in a hundred crucifixions
he’s the tallest of the path
and i have missed him very much
so i’ve come with a pocket full of friends
and these Seeds rejoice
these Seeds rejoice
always oh always
and i would say i’ve lived my life
but i know it hasn’t started
and i know that i will live my life
just as soon as i get started
but until then
i’ll come again
and sink my feet into the ground
and seep my Roots through yielding soil
and feel the sun upon my brow
someday oh someday
don’t tear me down
please don’t tear me down
torn from innocence (march 1995)
i know how this all started
from beginning to the end
i know how it all happened
for the memories remain
i long to be without you
yet i long to be with you
forsaken is a past
which no longer yields its use
and i don’t believe in sunshine
or in raindrops anymore
i don’t believe in anything
that was good to me before
and though gently we had parted
and you sang for me your song
i resisted those sweet urges
to just run into your arms
and i don’t believe in culture
held those bars throughout my youth
got me paying for my choices
guess i’m paying off my dues
so i don’t believe in beauty
or in god anymore
i don’t believe in miracles
or the dreams i had before
cuz i was torn away from Innocence
i was torn right into two
i was torn away from ignorance
i was lost without a clue
of the things that i was missing
in a life that wasn’t claimed
i was so busy disbelieving
i was blind to all your pain
and i’m sorry for denying you
all that you deserve
but i’ve come to beg forgiveness
if there’s any to deserve
i want to believe
there’s a little bliss somewhere
somewhere we can run and play forever
somewhere worth believing in
somewhere to believe
i know how this all started
from beginning to the end
i know how it all happened
for the memories remain
All songs © 2003 Fernando Ramos